How To Win AT Bunco Whilst Looking As If You Don't Care

As a responsible writer I have, of course, researched my subject matter thoroughly and I can report the following facts. Bunco was invented by the English in the eighteenth century but it has recently become popular amongst middle-aged suburban housewives and teenagers who use the opportunity to drink irresponsibly. In 2006 as many as 27 million enjoyed rolling the dice. It is widely reported to be a game of no skill. I dispute this. If you read on I can offer tips that will make you become a phenomenal and much feared bunco player. These tips are probably more pertinent to a suburban housewife than a hell bent teenager. I find it hard to imagine many leather clad, wayward teenagers worrying about winning a vegetable platter.
At this point I had better mention my own bunco buddies and explain a little bit about our group which has been playing together each month for about five years. Our neighborhood has seen other groups come and go but ours remains strong. In fact we have had waiting lists of people wanting to join us. I think we might start hazing would-be dice rollers. I find this in some ways surprising as although all the women are fabulous the standards we set ourselves are high. To be the bunco hostess can lead to financial ruin, threats of divorce, high-blood pressure and at the very least a migraine. Our hostesses provide clean, beautifully decorated surroundings, really tempting appetizers, wine, cocktails, desserts and prizes that cost more than the sum of all the entrance fees. We all do this for each other. Quiet suggestions about the merits of an open jar of salsa and chips or a bring-your-own booze policy are never followed up. Whilst other groups have been known to spend money on male-strippers and dispense with actual prizes our group carries on with the Full Monty and we love it.
The second Thursday of each month will find children left to fend for themselves and husbands left with microwavable TV dinners. We are all off to so and so's house to eat some delicious food, knock back a cocktail or two and, most importantly, win a prize.
Whilst carrying out the extensive research which is necessary to write a blog I came across a statement which is untrue. Bunco was described as a game that required no skill. This statement needs to be expanded apon. You can play bunco in an unskilled way. Each group has plenty of spaces for a player who just wants to drink the cocktails and gossip but if you want to win a prize some skills can be employed so that you reach the next level of bunco playing and walk off with the prizes. Drinking, chatting and rolling dice can be regarded as a level one performance. Drinking, chatting rolling the dice, using some winning strategies and winning a prize are identified as a level two performance. But at the top of the pyramid is the level three bunco player. She is able to drink, chat, roll dice to win prizes and no one realizes she is focused on winning. It comes as a surprise each month when she walks away with the platter, soap dish or candle.
To win this is what you have to do......
1. It is most important that you hurry the dice rolling along. As soon as your table is complete get set. When the top table rings that bell get going. Listen politely to your friends, grab that handful of nuts but move those dice along. The total of dots will soon add up and the more times you roll the greater your chances of rolling the magic three. If any of the table get up for whatever reason, get the partner rolling for them, just keep it rolling along.
2. Do not sit at the top table any more often than you can help. At this table you can only roll until someone reaches 21 whilst the rest of the room can go higher. Although the appetizers are exquisite and the call of the cocktail shaker shrill when someone suggests the start of play make a deadline for table two or three. There is little you can do if the order of play leads you to the top table but try and make your stay there short.
3. Don't offer to keep the score too often, you don't want anyone to think that you would cheat but try and wrangle the pencil and pad away from a friend who has had a lot to drink or has a lot to say (they are often one and the same person). If you have spent the first part of the evening rolling like a demon you don't want some lush ruining your total with bad score keeping.
4. Finally, remember no one must suspect that you care that much about winning. After all it is much better to impress your friends with your children's acoomplishments or your diminishing waistline than your collection of bunco trophies.
Now, why will no one forward me a bunco schedule and how come my neighbor was talking about a chance to play with our group. Have I made myself too obvious?