Skiing

Before I can write anything about my own skiing experiences I should record a story which I think is very funny. My husband and the boys don't think it's funny they doubt it ever happened and cringe everytime I tell it.
A friend of a friend of a friend was asked to go skiing for a weekend with some corporate clients. Not wanting to admit that she had never tried this sport she thought she would just bluff her way through it. On the Saturday morning she met up with the corporate crowd at the bottom of the lift and travelled up a frighteningly steep slope. At the top, having had difficulty just getting off the lift she realized that she would have to leave the group at least for the morning. As she excused herself she asked the way to the nearest restroom. On being told the nearest one was at the bottom of the hill she decided she would just have to stagger into the trees and turn the snow yellow in the great outdoors. Leaving the ski's on but pulling the awkward padded trousers to her ankles she attempted to perform. Within seconds her balance was lost and she found herself travelling down the hill at break-neck speed with the padded trousers trailing behind her. When she came to rest at the bottom she pulled her trousers up and hurried into the lodge before anyone could see her or recognize her. The next morning she excused herself from joining the group and prepared to spend the day enjoying a book by the log fire at the lodge. As she settled down she struck up a conversation with a gentleman who was sitting by the fire his leg propped on a stool and swathed in bandages. She naturally asked how he had been injured. He explained....... In all his year's skiing he had never fallen but whilst skiing yesterday he had lost concentration as a woman with her "pants on the ground" had sped past him. Whilst studying her bare arse he had ploughed into a tree and hurt himself badly.
Now I have never turned the snow yellow at the top of the slope because I konow that the clothes you wear to ski are so difficult to get on and off or adjust that once you are in them and all equipment is dangled from your limbs it is best to leave everything on and in place until you are in the privacy of your own condo.
Everytime I go skiing I am at first struck by the beauty of the mountains, the blue skies and the crisp air. Once I have breathed deeply it creeps up on me that I am either too hot or too cold, my feet are already killing me and I can not bend over as every pocket of my ski jacket is crammed with essential things that make me look like a lumpy and abominal snow man. I have to take a spare hat, goggles, sunglasses, reading glasses in case I need to look at the map, suntan stuff, a mobile phone, and occasionally, a walkie-talkie thingy. And lets not forget the camera.
With all this electronic stuff strapped to my body it is not surprising that on the lift I bleep alot. It will either be my phone going off, the camera being short on battery power or family telling me over the walkie-talkie that they are at the top and heading down for lunch. this will causes three different parties that i don't know, to reply that they are at the bottom and have been waiting there for hours and anyway its only 10.30 and nobody is hungrey yet.
This year I am going to unload the jacket. After all I can not answer the phone whilst skiing or on a lift. I might drop something. Extra clothing will also be jettisoned. If I have paid for a ski in, ski out I can ski in and ski out to get the extra hat or vest. I have not decided how to simplify the eye-wear but an idea is forming.
The next best thing to speeding down the mountains and beeping as you go up is drinking in the hot tub when its all over.

How This Page Got Its Name.

I am sure that the Bogging Universe is full of words of advice which help parents of picky-eaters come to terms with the lack of green stuff and the amount of calories and chemicals their children consume. To my mind all this worry is a waste of time. Parental worry is much more worthwhile when it is focused on the amount of time their offspring spend enjoying drugs, sex and rock 'n' roll. I site Adam Wood, Alexander Evans and Freddy Tripp in support of my opinion.
Adam Wood, my brother, grew up in the sixties and survived very well on a diet of tinned spaghetti in tomato sauce followed by a lot of chocolate cupcakes. He played soccer, did well in school and was almost a rockstar. He is now a successful father.
Alexander, my son, grew up on a diet of chicken nuggets and fries. he was nauseated by the smell and appearance of any other food. He will now eat pizza, red meat and chicken curry. Lettuce leaves still offend him but he is a healthy 22yr old surviving on his own.
Freddy Tripp, my best friend's son would only eat burnt toast and marmite at my house (and not much else at his mother's). A year ago I sat across from this beautiful 21 year old and watched him enjoy a salmon fillet and asparagus.
All that anxiety was wasted.
With one son only eatting nuggets and fries whilst the other was a vegetarian who ate no vegetables. Going out to eat was a challenge. We didn't do it. The Italian restaurant that served a pizza for the vegetarian served no fries. The fast food restaurant that served the nuggets and fries used the wrong kind of oil. We gave up and stayed home drinking some lovely glasses of wine.
In later years when food preferences could be compromised it was me that made the stipulations. Before we set foot in any restaurant I always wanted to know.......IS THIS PLACE LICENSED?